The Pain of A Broken Church

Experts, including Dr. Works, Dr. Re-Form, and Dr. Joiner, disagreed as to the cause of her illness, administering large doses or organization, socials, contests, drives and religious education, but to no avail. A post mortem showed a deficiency of spiritual food coupled with lack of fasting, faith, and change of heart. Shameless desertion and non-support were contributing causes. Only a few were present at her death, sobbing over memories of her past beauty and power. Carefully selected pallbearers were urged to tenderly bear her remains away.

There were no flowers. Her favority hymns, "Amazing Grace", and "Rock of Ages" were not sung. Miss Ima Modern rendered "Beautiful Isle of Somewhere", but none had any idea where this fancied isle might be. The body rests in the beautiful cemetery of Bygone Glories, awaiting the summons from above which shall bring her, with her blood-washed garments, into the presence of the GOD of Glory, spotless, blameless and full of glory. In honor of her going, the church doors will be closed on Wednesday evenings, save on the third Wednesday of each month, when the Ladies Pink Lemonade Society serves refresments to the members of the Men's handball team.

ST. JOHNNY HAS FOUND TWO CAUSES FOR THE SICKNESS IN CHURCH . THE LEADERSHIP AND THE MEMBERSHIP.   This old obituary has been around a long time but as I travel into our churches fifty weeks out of the year I can sence what Jesus said in Rev 3:1 And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead.  Yes a Church can die and still meet on Sunday and Wednesday but GOD gave you and I a mandate to do something about it in Rev 3:2 Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain, that are ready to die.  Johnny The Baptist ministries was born I believe, to strenthen these old dead, formalistic churches by loving JESUS first and foremost ahead of anything or anybody.

As JESUS told Peter, Do you love Me Peter, not your ministry or the sheep but do you love me ? If I love JESUS first and foremost then I will love his Church. So our Job is to be watchful and strengthen those that want to be helped in the word.  There are just a few in each church that has any hunger because the pastors stopped studying the book and started playing church. I say a church rises and falls on the leadership of that church.

If you got a dead pastor you will have a dead church. The worse thing that could happen to the churches happened in the sixties until now.  You will find it in the Old Testament in Amos 8:11 Behold, the days come, saith the Lord GOD, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD: Hold it -- hold it, I know you always quote this about the famine so you can justify why folks won't visit your church. Your church may be in a town of fifty thousand but the problem Sir, is in the next verse uh, oh, preachers it's layed at your feet so don't brag and say they can't take my preaching. You braggart, you know that a preacher that's wrapped up in himself is a mighty small package . Amen amen Read it and weep Amo 8:12 And they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall run to and fro to seek the word of the LORD, and shall not find [it].  Look, do you see the problem with the churches?  They cannot find PREACHING, I MEAN HOLY GHOST ANNOINTED PREACHING.  Folks are running to camp meetings which has turned out just to be a fundraiser but different from Robin Hood. See Robin Hood robbed from the rich and gave to the poor but our Crampmeetings are diffrent, they rob the poor and give it to the rich (them selves) Amen. You say I don't like that, hey the truth hurts don't it. You say, "I would not say that if I were you Bro. Johnny!"  I say well you aint me, Take an Aspirin.  Now read verse twelve and rend your garments. They can't find the word because instead of hot bread from GOD'S oven, your are giving out stale, polutted bread. GOD cannot give you nothing cause you gotta grab you a sermon out of sermon books or off the net you lazy outfit.

You Pastors that believe in Holy Ghost powered Preaching and love sinners untiringly, I love you and thank you for not quitting through all kinds of discouragement contact me if you need a friend.

PART 2

Now Please hear me out. I am going to make a statement that will shock you but if you will listen it will make sense.  When I read this about no Preaching, all I can say that it's the failure of JESUS, so take a aspirin and get your breath and listen.  JESUS never failed in nothing that he did personally.  In his precious word he wanted to do so much more, like in Matthew 13 JESUS went to his own home town but the Bible says in Matthew 13:58 And he did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.  Like in our churches and homes today, JESUS has a lot more work to be done but because of unbelief it is not done. The work that JESUS wanted to do had failed because of the people 's unbelief. And it made JESUS look like a failure.(but we know better)

Now read this sad commentary please Matthew 23:37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, [thou] that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under [her] wings, and ye would not!  JESUS is saying in this verse "I would have but you would not, I would have saved you but you would not come to me."  This was not a failure of JESUS because he did all that he could.  His life and his work was perfect. I WOULD BUT YOU WOULD NOT.. That was not JESUS fault.  Then you say Bro. Johnny, "I thought you said that JESUS failed."

Now take another aspirin and watch what I mean. In 2Cor 5:18 And all things [are] of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation. Now watch this close "AND HATH GIVEN UNTO US (that is the Church) The ministry of reconciliation. Read Vines NT Words on Reconcillation. Vine's definition of "reconcile" (Grk., katallasso)... b. "Hence, of persons, to change from enmity to friendship,to reconcile. GOD entrusted us with this precious task. You see, we are here on this planet.   If you are saved, according to 2nd Corinthians 5:20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech [you] by us: we pray [you] in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. Let's put this all together, in this last verse the word "Stead" simply means place.  In other words we are taking Christ place on this earth.  They see JESUS through us. We (you and I ) were giving this ministry to reconcile the world to JESUS and when we don't do what we should do, we make JESUS a failure, not nothing he has done, but we make him a failure to the world. It's me, Bro. Johnny who has made JESUS a failure after him giving me this ministry to change men and bring enemies of the cross to CHRIST. I preach some stupid stuff like the confederate flag, or why I am a Baptist, and just silly stuff that don't mean a hill of beans at the judgement seat of Christ. So much will be burned up because men's souls were in my hand. Oh GOD, forgive me and you my brother preachers, you and I have the antidote to give the blind their sight but we hold it in our hands. It was freely given to you and I so it makes Dr. JESUS look like the failure because we are not dispencing the medicine of reconcillation. Oh preacher and some of you, GOD bless your backslid money making heart, you hawk GODs merchandise that GOD gives you freely, you can't wait to set up your tables and sell your sermons and books, profitting off of GOD'S family.

Pastors skin flints to have bargain basement Revivals. They beat Evangelist to death with the poor mouth while him and members live like Hollywood.  If you disconnect that cable tv maybe you could afford to support a missionary with that fifty a month you are sending to Hell, Amen! -- Amen!  You can  say "you ain't coming to my church."  You ain't heard me calling you have you?? I'm feeling good now. How do you spell relief?,  I say its PREACHING, PREACHING,   We, and I mean myself also,  need to come clean and REPENT and get back to where we first started. It was JESUS only, now its what does the brethern think, or will they approve if this, is your thinking

I say quit right now.  Just admit you ain't got GOD or guts. Put you on a miniskirt and do your own thing but get outta my way. Probably after hearing you preach I would not know if Jesus was nailed to a tree or fell out of a tree you are so confused. When our people sit before us to hear the preached word of GOD and we haven't heard from Heaven and just deliver three points (three , that's as high as most preachers can count anyway) and a poem. We make JESUS a failure when we don't have a visitation program or run busses or care for the hurting.  We the blood washed make JESUS a failure, bless his name and it's nothing he has done, but we have not reconciled the world unto JESUS. Dear brother, when you don't preach in Holy Ghost anointed power and bore the people to death, you are making JESUS a failure. I say forget what they taught you in school , get your KJV and a jug of water get to the woods and don't come out until you are a changed preacher. Tell GOD you are not going back to that pulpit until GOD goes with you, then the hungry people don't have to run to and fro looking for Preaching.  You will be the man they will seek after, crying feed us preacher, just feed us the word of the living GOD. Oh Preacher, when you don't feed your people and they leave hungry YOU ARE MAKING JESUS A FAILURE.

Why is the Church broken?  Number one I say it's leader ship now finally its Membership.  Now I know good men that preach faithfully in the power, students of the word that weep and cry over their members and poor preachers wives are so discouraged, seeing their mate spend every waking hour trying to help a bunch of stiff neck, hard hearted, Rebels.  The best thing you could ever do in your life is stop breathing, because you are a preacher killer and you take pride in how many you have hurt and run off. I know some that calls their preacher by his first name, or boy, or hey you. I say your preacher needs to do like Scott Peterson and take you on a fishing trip you rascal. You say "we don't feel our is qualified to pastor our good little church that my pappy started. I want to say a word here.  I have never in my life met a qualified Preacher in my life and neither have any of you, let me read 1Timothy 3:1 This [is] a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. 1Timothy 3:2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 1Timothy 3:3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 1Timothy 3:4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 1Timothy 3:5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) 1Timothy 3:6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. 1Timothy 3:7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

Now before GOD have you ever met a Preacher that met each and every single qualification. You see, the only reason that GOD uses any of us is we are all that he has to work with. Angels cannot do what St. Johnny can do and that's Preach, amen.  Somebody said, is Bro. Johnny really a Saint I say Im just as much a saint as St. Peter or St Paul and so are you if you are saved. Now back to my thought the only reason that GOD uses any man is right here in 2Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

I get blessed just reading that word USWARD. That's ole restored cussing, Christ denying, Peter that said GOD is long suffering to US and that US includes you and I. Oh I know that you would never use Peter again after him falling. But GOD ain't a Pharisee like you are. GOD loves restoring wrecks. Not you, because you would total them out and say unfixalable. Now the reason that GOD uses us with our warts and hang ups and backslidings is in the verse, read it "NOT WILLING THAT ANY PERISH." That's why he uses the unlearned as well as the learned and he uses them that have always walked up right and those he has had to pick back up, glory to glory. GOD can make a straight lick with a crooked stick we are all he has in his arsenal. Old  sinners that says, "send me LORD", so get outta my way church members an pharisees .GOD has opened a door for me and you cannot, cannot shut it. My work will be over when he says well done, not because I have always done well, but because he has a plan for my life, glory glory, take that sucker.

So now if you are looking for the best pastor you can find, please look at these Candidates for your little church, choose wisely. Adam: Good man but problems with his wife. Also one reference told of how his wife and he enjoyed walking naked in the woods. When once confronted with his sins, he tried to pass all the blame onto his wife. Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with not even one convert. Prone to unrealistic building projects. After being delivered from danger by God, this man went on a roaring drunk. Abraham: Though the references reported wife-swapping, the facts seem to show he never slept with another man's wife, but did offer to share his own wife with another man. He came only seconds from intentionally killing his son on one occasion. When given an opportunity to live in a gracious community, he lost this chance to better himself by letting a backslidden nephew take the opportunity. We fear he could fall into poverty and be a burden on our church family. Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record. It seems he has spent most of his life in abject slavery, and this makes us wonder if he is prepared to deal with highly placed businessmen and community leaders. Once he even set up a man on a charge of theft and had him sent to prison. Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. This casts doubt on his alleged origins as a foster child of the Pharaohs in Egypt. Such a background would certainly produce a great orator. Sometimes he blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge. Also, we feel his inter-racial marriage would cause tension in our assembly. David: The most promising leader of all until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbor's wife. He also seems to need to kill his enemies rather than form ecumenical associations. Solomon: Great preacher but our parsonage would never hold all those wives. Elijah: Prone to depression, collapses under pressure. Mocks at ecumenical gatherings as other ministers worship, on one occasion even inspiring them to hack themselves up with knives. Was last seen chasing cars on foot! Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church. Jehu: This man shows every indication of being filled with zeal and energy. He is, like most pastors, always in a hurry, and the local police can tell from far off when he is driving into town by the cloud of dust in the distance. But, Jehu's Zeal is highly hazardous. He at one time surreptitiously called a meeting of all the ecumenical religious leaders in his community, sequestered them in the church sanctuary, and then he and his friends killed all the ministers in cold blood. He once shot a man in the back for just asking, "Is it peace?" He also showed very low esteem for the leaders of the nation when he once called for the wife of the king to be cast out of her bedroom window into the street, where he then allowed the dogs to eat her. He does seem to befriend some useful people, though one of his friends is Jehonadab, a man famous for his legalistic attacks on alcoholic beverages. This man, not content to just kill the famous royal ecumenical King Ahab, joined Jehu in killing off virtually every remaining relative of the king. The pulpit committee was not only horrified that Jehu would dare to think of pastoring a church-- We have forwarded his resume to the FBI and Homeland Security. We understand that the Palestinians are descendants of Jehu's friend, Jehonadab. Hosea: A tender and loving pastor but our people could never handle his wife's occupation. Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river. Those who have read his writings have destroyed them at once due to his offensive language. For example, his last book was tossed in the Euphrates River. Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language. Openly admits his lips are unclean. Jonah: Refused God's call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. He also claimed to have a sign ministry in growing pumpkins to full size in only one day. Though he has a very bad attitude toward those to whom he preaches, he would be a great blessing in a signs and wonders ministry. He does have a small problem with the odor about him-- smells a bit like fish vomit. Amos: Too backward and unpolished. His chief experience is in herding cattle and gathering figs. With some seminary training he might have promise, but has a hang-up against wealthy people--might fit in better in a poor congregation. Melchizedek: Great credentials at current work place, but where does this guy come from? No information on his resume about former work records. Every line about parents was left blank and he refused to supply a birth date. John: Says he is a Baptist, but definitely doesn't dress like one. Has slept in the outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders. Has very poor tact when in the company of royalty. Rumor has it though that he will not be under consideration much longer for a pulpit since he has tormented the great religious king Herod and his wife about their personal marriage arrangements. Peter: Too blue collar. Is said to return to fishing at the most improper times. Has a bad temper-even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, but a loose cannon. Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. Also, Paul has a physical problem which would make him hard to look at as he preaches. Once started a civil uproar, and then fled by going over the wall in a basket. Has been seen visiting with Arabs on a ship from Adramitum (south Arabia). Once spent the winter with Publius, a notorious pagan on a primitive island. At that place he started a church by initiating a snake handling ministry. But, he is probably not really under consideration for our pulpit, for the last report has him in Rome under house arrest. Seems to get himself into much too much trouble. James and John: Package deal preacher and associate seemed good at first, but found out they have an ego problem regarding other fellow workers and seating positions. Threatened an entire town after an insult. Also known to try to discourage workers who didn't follow along with them. Reference: Diotrophese, a fine leader in a church under John's care, reports that he was summarily dumped out of the church after John wrote a letter instructing the church leaders to do so. Seems very high handed. He is also fond of forcing his parishioners to admit openly that they are sinners, and calls them liars if they decline. Tradition says that he once walked right into the stronghold of bandits and killers to rescue a backslidden former convert, while the whole local church told him not to do it. Too brash and bold. Timothy: Too young! He has a mixed heritage, being fathered by a Greek, and we KNOW what that means. Also, wine was found in his refrigerator by a deacon in his church. Methuselah: Too old . . . WAY too old! Jesus: Has had popular times, but once his church grew to 5000 he managed to offend them all, and his church then dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. Owns nearly nothing and would be a very needy man if we called him, for he borrows virtually everything he needs, or his friends have to support him. He has been seen on many occasions having very cordial visits with sinners and tax collectors. He absolutely refuses to teach his followers how to avoid paying taxes as a form of good stewardship. On one occasion, when confronted with a whore, who was caught red handed in sin and worthy of stoning, Jesus just let her go and told her to stop sinning. He seems inordinately preoccupied with demons, casting them out of people everywhere he goes. He compliments those who give very little in the offering and mocks at those who give heavily. He allows some people to worship him, while others he rebukes for merely calling him "good". He has drawn many death threats due to his open rejection of the great religious Ecumenical leaders. On one occasion, he walked boldly into the biggest church in the area and made havoc of their fund raising program and whipped many of the leaders and helpers with a whip. It seems it would be very dangerous to be too close to Jesus. He even warns his followers that they will suffer if they follow him. And, of course, he's single. Much of his teaching sounds suicidal, pointing to some day of death and doom for himself. This would be a very negative ministry, and we are seeking power in positive thinking in our next pastor. Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Is very zealous to gather funds to feed the poor. Good connections. Has been the trusted treasurer during the ministry of Jesus. Was once seen embracing Jesus Christ, which is a very encouraging proof of his loyalty to Jesus. We're inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here. Rumors have it that he took his life yesterday, but this seems highly unlikely with his great history and future potential. Balaam: Has had an anointed prophetic ministry and has made appearances with Balac on The 700 Club. Is in very close contact with royalty, who pay him well for his services. He is famous for his politically correct ability to communicate with the animal kingdom. Also, he is well versed in alternate ethical choices and solutions. Should be exceptional in a marriage counseling ministry. If Judas does not work out, this candidate should be strongly considered. Lucifer: Started his career as the Minister of Music in the highest places. Is extremely gifted in music, and is the original motivator of Contemporary Christian Music and Rock Music in the churches. Was unjustly fired from his position for trying to merely be like God. His next ministry was as staff pastor in the brush arbor Edenic Bible Conference where he lead his whole congregation to convert to his self-love theology. Thereafter; he has had the highest recommendations of many institutions which he himself founded, such as, the Freemasons, Druid Christianity, The Jesuit Order, Opus Dei, Promise Keepers, the Brownsville River of Renewal which he still inspires, many large denominations, such as the United Methodist Church, the Episcopal Church, and the Southern Baptist Convention which he staffed with his Masonic co-workers. He has about 6000 years of experience with motivating Human relations from the lowest places, to the Royal Family of Great Britain, Nancy Reagan, and Hillary Clinton. In recent times, Billy Graham has approved of Lucifer's ministry among Buddhists, stating that they will be going to heaven also. He comes with uncountable ministers of light and truth who help him wherever he goes. This candidate would of course be our first choice. Our pulpit committee is trying to make contact with Lucifer if per chance he would be willing to pastor our church. His highly placed heritage may preclude his coming to our small congregation. An old crank on the pulpit committee claims Lucifer is already pastoring our church, which is of course preposterous, since we cannot see him anywhere in our midst. Now take St. Johnnys pain killer and call me tomorrow . Remember why the Church is broken and causing pain is it's Leadership and membership.